I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
