I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
