I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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