I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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