Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
