sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
