Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
