Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
