You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
