Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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