Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
