it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
