I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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