She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
