they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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