are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
