We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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