Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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