thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
