I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
