I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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