Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
