i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
