I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
