I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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