Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
