oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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