i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
