Dual....:-)
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
