Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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