dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
