I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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