Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
