dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am one with the molecules
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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