Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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