I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
