we made out on top of his cat.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
