that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
