WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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