If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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