Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
