covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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