fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
