i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
