ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
