dude i'm inner monologue high
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
