So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
