Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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