When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
