my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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