youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
