I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
