I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
