now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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