Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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