think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
