Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You made out with two different species that night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
