People with herpes should wear stickers.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
