She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
