speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
